A Game of Two Halves, and Ten Turnovers – 12/11/17
You wait all day for a bus, and then two come along at once. Reminiscent of U1 timetabling, O’Neil decided to wait 3 years to touch balls. His swelled to the size of melons as he ripped the pigskin from Matthys Oosthuizen’s grasp and chugged down the field to put up 6, high stepping for every single one of his ten return yards. VGC News caught up with Olivier (Wolves, not disappointing Arsenal Centre-Forward) after the game: “Practise does not make perfect. Fuck that. Perfect practise makes perfect.” Inspirational.
It was a day for defence, who set the tone early with some girthy plays. Sacks from Bateman and deadline signing Daniel Shodipo made the Wolves’ intentions known, whilst Captain Roberts used his head (literally) in an outstanding pass defended. The offense came out hot, Alvin Vyaporee trucking up the middle for strong yardage before creating a free play as Warwick’s Most Eligible Bachelor’s seduced the Staffordshire D Line offsides. From one Warwick’s Most Eligible Bachelor to another, Rutherford-Roberts hits Huntington-Whitelely for your Warwick Wolves’ first touchdown of the season.
Soon after a fumbled punt gave Rutherford and his motley crew a chance with some excellent field position, and Vorsprung Durch Technik prevailed as Lukas Anthuber caught the second touchdown of the game. Spirits were up on the sideline and the chat was flowing. Unfortunately, due to Tom Hooper’s lack of engineering abilities, the beer was not. Our very own world leader in Palladium NMR was foiled by a simple faucet; many thanks to Lemming Brewery for supplying the ultimately unsuccessful beer.
Then things started getting reeeaalllyy serious for both defences. Your Wolves turned the screw, first with fan favourite James Maurice sending the Stallions TE back to Staffordshire with a monster jam, before he picked off #33 in spectacular fashion. But one is indeed the loneliest number. However the Stallions also came to the party, forcing 3 and outs with some sterling tackling on the interior. We had a game on our hands.
Spirits were raised before the interval as Rutherford-Roberts began to move the chains faster than O’Halloran and the chain gang could keep up, resulting in a 30 yard field goal attempt. Eej Roberts took the field – he had the snap, he had the direction, but just did not quite have the leg. Catching up with our kicker, treasurer, star corner and lover of vino Eej Roberts, he described how: ‘I wanted it more than a full bodied Cabernet Sauvignon & Attenborough on a Saturday eve’. Half time.
And the Stallions came out firing in the second half, with the Stallions QB making plays both with his arm and his legs – in the words Mark Lawrenson he had great feet for a big lad. Big boy boshes to both the Captain Pooj and President Wood resulted in the Stallions’ first points of the game, and suddenly the Wolves were up against it. The Stallions defence also stepped up, with WR Sam Helman being concussed so hard that he forgot he was concussed (can confirm – is fine). The offensive play calling focussed heavily on the receiving core, with Lukas seeing more jets than terminal 5. The Wolves DBs continued to misbehave, as Beej snagged an INT – that’s two tickets to paradise. The boys failed to capitalise on great field position as McCarthy had a drop on 3rd down larger than Turn Down for What. An inspired offensive drive resulted in the Stallions QB throwing a dart to #82 to make the score 13-12. With momentum on their side they were looking like they could take it.
And they would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for Olly O’Nil-picks-before-today and his meddling DBs. Not once, not twice, but three times a lady. The mesmeric pick 6 proved to be the difference, and the Wolves D held on with the help of a circus act from the fourever young Eej and Beej. A plethora of Wolves fumbles made things interesting, leaving the Wolves defence a last stand against the potent Stallions offense. The pressure certainly didn’t hit King Julian’s Assistant, who decided he’d try to catch the ball with his face instead of adding to his pick collection.
‘ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH, DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE MORE’ cried Coach Williams (or words to that effect). After the speech many shed a tear, Hooper still looked for beer, and Eej’s last second pat down resulted in an almighty cheer. The Wolves march on, 1-1.
Person/Thing/Concept that did not Win the Day: Ball security
The Siegfried Sassoon Trenchfoot Award: Max Holland – Putting up a battle akin to the Western Front
Worst Wolves Debut: Charlie Coleman – Racking up -5 yards on the day for a block in the back on his opening play (honourable mention goes to Ed Barton for his efforts last week).
VERCO Chat of the Day: Geoff Williams – “Finish on me”
Master Graftsman of the week: Oreo Neal – Using tales of his pick 6 to chat up Wolverines.